I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
