we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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