Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You made out with two different species that night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
