I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
