i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
