i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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