Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
