I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
