I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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