What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
