I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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