it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
