Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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