On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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