My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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