They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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