My brain says no but my pants say off.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
