This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
