so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
