Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
