Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
