I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
