saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
