So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
