Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
