i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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