It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize