I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize