so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
