i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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