Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
