I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
