So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize