The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
