As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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