I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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