These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
