She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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