UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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