My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
