It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
