Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
