We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
