dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
