I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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