I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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