I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
