Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize