i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
