Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
