For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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