I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
