Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
