Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
