My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
