how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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