He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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