oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
