he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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