Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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