Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
