Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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