you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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