I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
