I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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