your parents love me but you hate me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
