Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
