Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
