He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
