I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
