Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize