Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
