Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
