it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize