Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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