just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
