wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
