There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
