Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
