youre lurking in front of me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
