I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
