i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
