I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
pray to the hookup gods
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
