it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Less talking, more tequila
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
