A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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