You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
