So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
