my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
