I'm lost and stupid without you.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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