I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
