she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ttyl tear gas
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
