wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize