They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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