My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
