I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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