Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
